Hi guys 
Well welcome to my first post. Guess a little recap on recent events in my life would be useful.
Where to start...
I've been going out with this guy since christmas, so coming up for 6 months, all is going well and we spend a lot of time together. For now we'll call him Spidey.
Rewind two weeks...
Told Spidey that I loved him! 
Hadn't planned to tell him, in fact I'd kept it to myself for about 3 months, figured I'd wait until he told me first and then that way I wouldn't get hurt. See had it all worked out. Such a wuss aren't I. Anyway Spidey had said it before me, twice in fact. Well...how was I to know that he didn't realise he was saying it. I figured it was safe, and even though I still felt too shy/scared to tell him it came out during a night on the town with some of my mates (who knew how I felt).
Now it's not the best time to declare your love to someone, let alone for the first time, I know but I also have no idea how it happened. Lets just say...it didnt go as planned. And the huge knots in my stomach the next morning when I woke up alerted me to that fact 
(even though I technically couldn't remember anything he'd said - repression in my opinion nothing to do with the copious amounts of alcohol).
So two weeks had passed and things have been pretty much the same, still pretty good, though that fateful night hasn't been mentioned again That is except briefly the day after I told him, although nothing was really said about what was said.
Decided that should come clean yesterday and tell him, "Spidey, remember when I told you that thing I told you a few weeks ago, well I can't remember what you said." There you go me being honest. Spidey's turn.
Spidey said he cared about me a lot. Good start to saying I don't love you, I guess thats something. Spidey doesn't want to throw love around like it's meaningless. 
I meant it. Am I meaningless? I skimmed over reacting to that part, quite frankly I don't know how that part makes me feel. I guess he's honest. Spidey said he didn't want things to change. Why would they have to change? Told Spidey we didn't have to talk about this anymore. It was starting to hurt a little too much. Didn't tell him that part.
And now? Well. Life goes on as it always does. But I feel a bit in limbo and a bit sad even though I should be grateful that he was decent enough to be honest. And of course I know that IF he ever does say it it will mean a lot. Thats just it though, he doesn't now and that hurts a little. But worst of all what if he never feels it?
Feeling way to vulnerable now. And here I was thinking I'd devised the master plan to not get hurt. I wish I hadn't told him, it was almost better wondering if he did do. But now where do I go from here? It's always going to be "out there now".
Anyway I guess thats enough of my ramblings for now. Time to go and do something else to amuse all and sundry!
xxx